Christoper and Olivia Finally See Their Mommy

2 weeks later Stephi is finally well enough to see her kids. She asks about them constantly and I'm sure she has been worried about them as most moms would be. She was waiting to get a few bandages off and a few tubes out before having them brought down. I didn't get to be there for the reunion, but I heard it took about 15 minutes for Christopher (7) and Olivia (3) to get used to their mommy's new makeover. Olivia is a mommy's girl so I cannot imagine what must have been going through her little head. Christopher is a 7 year old little boy who can usually adapt to "whatever" in seconds. Auntie Sara gets to see them tonight so I'm sure they will give me their version :)

She is moving well these days and adapting to her new room on a general surgical floor. She is most excited about the fact that there is actually a wall between her toilet and her bed. LOL. She has a private room and bathroom so she was also excited about that. Stephi still continues to have lots of family filtering in and out daily, and we are all making sure that she is doing what she is supposed to be doing.

Surgery to replace the right bone flap is still scheduled for tomorrow at 7:30 am. Hopefully there will not be any more bumps in the road before that. I know she is rallying to try to get back to the Wausau area by next week. Time will tell. She gets frustrated, bored, and bummed out very easily these days. It has been a long road for her, but we keep trying to reassure that she has already been through the worst of it. The next few weeks will require a lot of time, patience, and practice, and we will all continue to be there for her!

She Walks Herself Straight Out of the ICU

I post this blog entry with lots of happiness. I think I posted an update several days ago that said she might just walk herself right out of this place! Well - she kind of did that today. Stephi graduated from the Neuro ICU today and was transferred to a general surgery unit. She said no to the wheel chair ride and walked over to the room she will call hers for the next few weeks, and waved goodbye to all of the kind nurses in the ICU with her left hand...ok ok...maybe she didn't wave goodbye with her left hand...but it made the story a little better.

She is still very tired and seems a little bummed at times, but she is progressing well as a matter of fact, she is progressing way beyond where she was supposed to have been at this time if she was even supposed to be with us at all. She has a lot on her mind these days. She asks a lot of questions about plans for when she can come home, and she seems to have a very realistic mind set on the fact that she knows that she will need some help at first. She worries about her kids and their school work, she is wanting to get back to work, she worries about the baby, she's thinking about bills, etc., and she is focusing hard on trying to be able to be transferred closer to Wausau for rehabilitation.

Stephi will have one more surgery to replace the right bone flap if the brain swelling goes down enough. The surgery is tentatively scheduled for next Thursday, and she is dreading going back into the OR another time. We have to keep reminding her that this should be the last time and then she can come closer to home.

She struggles with vision on the left side and still with some fine motor skills on the left, but cognitively she seems better than most of us sometimes. She continues to have a little trouble with the concept of time (who was there, and when, etc.), but I am wondering if that is part of sitting in the hospital day in and day out as well as some of the medication she needs to take.

What a strong girl. I sit next to her and wonder if it were me laying there if I could keep up the fight as well as she does every day. I thank god every day that she was in the exact place that she was at when she got sick and I know she was there for a greater reason. I thank god for the people who cared about her enough to give her the second chance, and I know that there was a reason for all of this.

Beth R (one of our friends at St. Clare's) if you are reading the blog - thank you for the time you spent on the treats for Stephi and her nursing staff. Everything was beautiful, and everyone enjoyed them. I think about you daily as well through all of this. I know that it was you a few years ago and here you are doing something amazing for us now. You are an amazing and strong person and that is how I know that there is a bigger plan for Stephi.

Today I know that I wasn't supposed to watch my baby sister die that night on October 10. We were all supposed to get stronger together for some reason - and that is what we are doing! Some more pictures for you to enjoy. Our mom and our sister Jen, me, and Stephi!

Keep fighting Stephanie!!!

3 Steps Forward 2 Steps Back

It is Friday and the end on week 2. Wow - it has been 2 weeks?!? Sorry bloggers - no new pics today! My little sis is not feeling good at all :(

Stephanie has had a long day. She went to surgery early this morning to replace the shunt that will drain the spinal fluid from her brain to her abdomen where it will be reabsorbed and excreted in other ways. She was in surgery for what seemed like forever. Once again my mom, Jay, and I wait, and wait, and wait to hear some news. She finally got out of surgery around 12:30 and back to her room in the neuro ICU around 2pm. Surgery was a success, and Stephi is sore and very tired today.

She had to be reintubated for the surgery and her throat is sore again. The memory of the breathing tube is very fresh and unwelcoming to her.

She comes back to us this time with a pounding headache, another IV, and her PICC line has more fluids running through it once again. She has some oxygen through a nasal cannula for now, and she once again has all of her heart monitor wires back on. She has another bandage on her head, and a much closer shave than the one you saw on yesterday's blog.

Having to watch her roll out of another surgery is so hard for us. I cannot even describe it to all of you. At age 26 this little girl has been through more in the last 2 weeks than most people will ever experience in a lifetime and somehow she manages to keep up her fight. It is hard to look at her with more tubes and more wires, and it is especially hard to see her hurting and not even being able to fathom the kind of hurt and frustration that she is feeling - but I know she is getting closer to getting home. Every day every single one of us wishes we could take some of this for her.

We all took our turns and spent a little time with her after she returned - but she is so tired and sedated that we decide to let her rest today. Physical therapy is on hold for today and today will be another day of rest for her.

One more surgery to replace the bone flap should conclude her surgery battles and then she will be on the road to rehabilitation for as long as it takes.

Rest well, heal fast and keep fighting Stephi!!

It Has Been A Long Road

Today it is back to Madison to see Stephi. The drive is getting a little easier every time. I am learning the hard lesson that sitting and waiting and worrying and wondering is not good for your own health. I had to take a couple days for myself in order to regroup. I am still feeling a little tired, but better than yesterday. When people ask how you're doing, it is always easier to just say "I'm fine" than to go through another mental meltdown. It will get easier as time goes on. Stephi is strong, and she is doing well. It is very hard to have her so far away sometimes.

Stephanie looks great today! When I don't see her for a couple days I am always amazed to see her progress each time. She got her shunt pulled from her head last Monday. They give it a couple days to determine whether or not her brain will shunt her spinal fluid on it's own. Well....she is looking a bit like a water head today :) The right side of her head is bulging. The extra swelling is causing her to have more of a headache today. It is ice and meds for Stephi today!

The bandages are off. There is an incision that starts on the top right side of her head and extends around and underneath to her right ear. It has a million blue stitches holding it together. She has a few other stitches here and there on her head that must have been the sites of some old drains. Her hair is about 1/4 inch long over her entire head. Thank god she was blessed with a descent shaped head! She is the cutest bald girl I know! She has a few more greys than I remember - but I guess she is entitled to a few greys these days!

Tomorrow she will go to surgery to have a permanent shunt placed that will shunt her spinal fluid into her abdomen. OK...... so I'm a OB nurse .....so....what?!?......Unfortunately for me they say nothing about her cervix - because I would totally understand that!! The shunt will stay with her for life. It will all be done internally so she won't have a tube hanging out - but she is not excited about the surgery- It sounds like a simple procedure compared to what she has been through already. We will all be up here waiting for her to get back.

The plan now is to replace her right bone flap next Thursday if the swelling goes down. This should be the last head surgery for her. I'm sure she has a little fear over these upcoming procedures as she is way more coherent this time around.

Rehabilitation comes next. She will need to go to an inpatient rehab hospital until she is safe enough to go home. She is doing well, but they will need to make sure she is taking information, processing it, and reacting appropriately to different situations. She is still sharp as a tack, but has some trouble processing things related to time (when people were here last, what day things happened on, etc). The filtering seems better today - she still jokes with us but it is always appropriate. Stephi is walking and walking and walking!!! She does not use a walker anymore. She is up and around with stand by assist of another person and walks the hospital hallways. She drags her left foot a little but seems aware of it more today. The left hand is pinching and doing some other fine motor things that were not up to par last week, so it is encouraging. As a matter of fact, we just got done walking to the UW Hospital gift shop (her room is on the 4th floor ICU) It was a pretty good distance. I'm not sure if you are supposed to take a head injury patient too far way from their unit? But no one stopped us and she kept walking. Way to go Steph!

Stephi is asking to go to rehab in Wausau - so if any of you blog followers know a good place please share! She wants to get back toward home and she is missing her kids!! I cant even imagine what is going through her head right now. I want her to come closer to home too (but I know it's not all about me) :) I miss her and I miss my niece and nephew badly! It is sure not the same up there without them. I suppose if Stephi chooses to come back home, our sister Jen will not be far behind! I wouldn't mind having her closer too!

Keep Fighting Stephi!!!

The Nose Tube is Finally Gone!!!

Good news! Stephi finally won the nose tube battle. She somehow convinced the UW staff to pull that tube out!! She did threaten to walk down to that doctors clinic to find him if it wasn't gone by today, and I'm not sure I would put it past her. She has got quite a bit of spunk these days.

Better news?? Yep! We got her some clothes for her bottom half! No more full moon in the Neuro ICU! She would have had them sooner but last time I saw her she wasn't moving that well, and her sense of humor over the whole thing cracks me up. When I told her she should be a little more modest in front of strangers - she looked at me and told me "I have a brain injury" I suppose that justifies it?? Look out St Clare's - we are going to have our hands full come delivery time!! LOL

She is in great spirits. She gets the biggest kick out of herself. If we pick on her she tells us to "take it easy on the poor disabled girl!" She's quick and somewhat uncoordinated, but it sounds like she is almost ready for an inpatient rehabilitation stay which will most likely be at the UW as well. She actually sounds like she is looking forward to it. I am amazed by her spirit as well as her sense of humor these days.

She looks so cute - she doesn't think so, but she seems to always have this little bit of a confused look on her face as she sits with you and has a totally appropriate conversation. I think it might be just the fact that she has a slight facial droop on that left side. She has a left sided field cut because I see her scanning a lot for things in front of her. It takes her a few seconds to find things that are more situated on her left, but she will eventually get it.

She's eating well - ha - better than most us I heard. Jen brought her crab legs for dinner last night after I left. So that was her midnight snack. She will be spoiled for a while. That's OK I guess.

She talks to Christopher and Olivia on the phone. It is emotional for everyone. It's hard for her because she wants to see them so bad, but she is afraid that they will not understand. It sounds like they will be down soon to visit. I miss them so much and Halloween won't be the same for us without them if they aren't able to come home yet.

All is well today. Back to work for me tomorrow for another 3 days or 12 hour shifts. I continue to pray that my phone stays quiet and patiently wait until I can get back to Madison. Stephi has her cell phone and it has a full charge - we might all be getting some random calls here and there when she gets bored :) At least if I see her name on my caller ID - I know she's OK.

Keep Fighting Stephi!

It Has Been 1 Week Already

Sorry for the late post. There was not much news to report on Friday, and to be perfectly honest I am exhausted! I finally got a little sleep on Friday night and I'm feeling a little better today. It seems like I have been waiting forever to get back down to Madison.

She looked great today. She's walking about 200 feet or so around the nurses station in the ICU. She uses a walker and needs 1 person to guard that left side, but she does it mostly on her own.

She is sitting up in the chair several times a day. She sits up in a recliner chair, puts her feet up, and does pretty well. I can imagine that her head must pound when she is upright.

She complains of a bad headache all the time. She takes some oral pain meds, morphine, and uses ice most of the day. Stephi talks about being home and being afraid of knowing when to call for future headaches. I can't blame her for being scared of that, and I'm happy that she is thinking about it on her own. She worries about the right bone flap going back on and maybe having some more left sided weakness from that surgery. The staff keeps reassuring her that the surgery should be without many complications, but this whole experience is still very fresh.

Stephi has her own sense of humor. She seems to be in good spirits today while I am there. She jokes around a lot (which, I guess that is pretty normal for her). I still have a hard time telling if she is just that openly making light of her situation or if she has a little trouble filtering some things we think and do not say :) Nevertheless, she's as cute as ever.

She seems to remember everyone, Steph was able to tell me the entire story of the night she got sick. She remembers everyone that was there and conversations that they all had, she remembers the awful pressure she felt and she is able to describe it to me in pretty good detail. I hate thinking of her having had to go through that whole experience, and I'm sure everyone one of use will come away from this as changed person in some way or another.

She gets very uncomfortable laying in bed and moves around a lot, and where I'm going with this statement is that the inventor of the hospital gown should be shot! Stephanie's room is directly across from the nurses station. The rooms are all windows with a large pull curtain on the inside of every room. I am pretty positive the Stephi has mooned the entire Neuro ICU staff at one time or another in the past week trying to get herself comfortable in bed not to mention her family. The reason that I know she is somewhat herself - she could care less and actually kind of laughs about it. She said that is how she keeps people out of her room. LOL see my point?? Is it her or is it a filtering issue. Time will tell, but it gives us all a little laugh for now. Stephi will be getting new undies and some lounge pants from her big sis ASAP. :)

The one other thing that I notice today is that when she decides to do something she just goes. She will sit up or stand without warning and forget about where her tubes for a second. We usually have to run to catch her before she pulls something by accident. She looks at us like where crazy for guarding her so much and she will say something like "I just wanted to move my leg" or "I just wanted to walk". I heard she fell out of bed a couple nights ago trying to reach for her ice pack. I'm not sure if she just doesn't want to ask for help or if she is not fully aware of her limitations right now. She is quick and we all have to be quicker right now.

Eating is going well. It is slow and very uncoordinated but she eats. I can tell she has some visual deficits. She tries to pick food up with her fork and it goes in a totally different direction and sometimes falls off, but she gets it eventually. She has been PROMISED that the NG tube will come out tonight or tomorrow and I would hate to be the one who had to tell her otherwise, so I will keep my fingers crossed for the staffs sake!

Sleep well and no worries for now. Keep fighting Stephanie!

Day 6 (Thursday)

I know I'm a day late with this post - it is 7 am on Friday and I was already told that people are waiting. I'm sorry - Stephi's tired and so is her big sister! I have been working and trying to keep myself busy there so that I can get my mind off this for a few hours a day. It has been hard at work because I am constantly reminded of her absence - all I have to do is look around me. Every time I have a delivery I see her name as one of them that I can choose from in my charting to be in the room with me. I know when I call the OB tech line she won't answer. I sit and wonder a lot when and if she will ever be back. It is a struggle for me here but I will continue to try to keep busy.

I didn't have too many updates on Thursday - but I will give you all what I got. Stephanie continues to get stronger everyday. She is doing well in therapy. Mom says she is walking several times a day. She's eating little by little, and she is able to communicate her needs fairly well.

Dr Lamont (Christopher and Olivia's Pediatrician for Marshfield Clinic in Weston) happened to be at a conference in Madison yesterday. He had an opportunity to go visit her. I asked him to call me and tell me how he thought she looked after the visit. He said she looks great and she talks to him appropriately. I was really glad to get that news!

The hospital is full of students learning medicine. They come around in packs with their laptops and instructors several times a day. It reminds me of hospital shows you see on TV. About 6 of them at a time stand outside of her room and discuss her diagnosis and her progress so far. Then 2 or 3 of them come in and ask her a few questions. This is on top of her own physicians coming in and out, the nursing staff coming in and out, and her hoards of family and friends coming in and out throughout 1 day. Well....the poor med students got the wrath of Steph yesterday! They came in and asked how she was doing and she looked and them and said "Which one of you fine gentlemen are going to take this tube out of my nose?" They told her they didn't do that kind of thing and that the nurses do that. Wrong answer! Look out day 6 we have attitude!

Steph has had terrible headache all day. She has not slept except for in between a million visitors, doctors, and nurses visits. She sleeps in between every 30 minute-1 hour wake up calls for neuro assessments. All this AND rounds of physical therapy throughout the day. I'm actually surprised it took until day 6 for her to get mad. I know for a fact that I would have been a raving B word by day 3. By the end of the day Thursday she was asking for morphine, to be re-sedated, and told everyone else that didn't need to be there to get out! You go girl!

Jay is back up north taking care of some business and plans to be back tonight or tomorrow. I will head down this weekend. Probably to sit in the waiting room most of the time - but at least I will feel closer. I sure do miss her here and I sure do miss her kids. I need to hear little Olivia tell me "Auntie, You dwiivin' me cwazy", and I need to see Christopher smile (cuz it looks just like his mommy's smile :) Mom, Jen, and Josh are close by in Janesville and can be there quickly if she needs them.

Today (Friday) It has been 1 week. It is hard to believe. I am thankful everyday for our second chance with Stephi! I will update more when I get some news, and I promise to get some updated pics this weekend. Thank you blog followers!

Sleep Stephi sleep! Keep Fighting Stephi!

Baby Steps

Today it is back to work! I got into my customary army green scrubs and headed in to what I knew was going to be a very difficult day. Stephi is usually here in her army greens too, and it is very hard to look around at all of the work she would normally be doing and know she wasn't here. I keep praying that someday she will be back. She works with an extraordinary group of people...well...let's be honest, they are the ones who were with her when she got sick and got her the help she needed so that we can all have a second chance Stephanie! They wanted to say Hi to her and they will probably kill me for posting their faces on this blog. Sorry guys :)

What's new today?? Where do I start? She is eating. She ate cereal and eggs for breakfast, and grilled cheese and tomato soup for lunch. She still continues to need her liquids thickened for fear that she may aspirate - but at least they are finding things for her that have a little flavor. She needs some help with eating at times but is able to do most of it herself.

She walks and walks and walks!! She gets up to the bathroom and walks the halls in the neuro ICU (yes - actually outside of her room) with the UW staff. She still needs help with the left side but I have heard that she is able to do most of it on her own. If I know her as well as I think I do - she is probably fully anticipating being able to walk right out of there soon :) and maybe we shouldn't put it past her??

Here's the update for all you OB people. She had a full ultrasound today. Baby is growing great. Fetal heart tones are perfect, and no one is anticipating any problems. Hmmmmm - is this baby maybe a tough girl like her mommy?? We still don't know the sex it is just a guess :)

I called earlier today to finish filling out some medical leave paperwork for Stephi and she was able to tell us her social security number, birthdate, and kids birthdates. I was so excited that she was able to rattle that off so well. This is the girl who was probably not going to walk, talk, or eat ever again. Stephi you are amazing! Your doctor deserves a huge hug! Well - I don't know if I should hug him, but Stephi did tell me the other day that he smells very good. LOL.

OK OK I'll tell the story....the other day he came in to check on her. It was around 8pm. After he left she said "Is that the doctor that saved my life". We said "yes". She asked us "Is he gone" We told her "yes". She said "he smells sooooo good" "like Aqua Velva". LOL. I don't even know if she's ever smelled Aqua Velva but Im sure Jay will be wearing it by next week:) Just kidding Jay! We will have to get some for Dr. Zabel too since he's one of the first people she wanted to talk about. That would be a good gift huh Dr Zabel - new undershorts and some Aqua Velva?? LOL.

Once she is well enough - I am so going to get punched for telling that story (I hope it is with her left hand) :)

I was in a little bit of shock to hear that so many people have been following this blog. Wow- I got to work this morning and I had several people tell me how closely they have been watching it and their family's are watching it, and friends are watching it. This blog has even been added to our hospital's computer system. I feel some pressure now to check my spelling a little closer before I publish these blogs, and I will forewarn you that I am not the greatest writer, but I will try to keep you updated.

Take care - good night and keep fighting Stephi!

She Walks!! :)

I am grateful to report that therapy went well. I just got the news. I am in Wittenberg waiting to go back to work tomorrow (I really wish I was there with her now). Steph has been up in the chair today, and she walks around her room with the help of her therapy team. I was told that she can stand and support her weight pretty well but needs some help on the left side. She is also having a lot of trouble with her fine motor skills (pinching, etc) I am so proud of her and to hear this news brings more tears (happy ones this time), especially for the girl who had so many strikes against her in the beginning.

She continues to need her NG tube and she anxiously awaits the day it can come out (I can't blame her). Thick liquids for Steph - Yuck! We will have to wait on the carrot cake - but when she ready I see that I have a team of people that are ready to bring her some. Thanks guys - you are the best!

My sister Jen is home sick today :( I still worry about her and hope she can finally get some rest. She is the ultra sensitive spirit in our family and this has been hard on her. Get well Jen - we love you too!

If there is one lesson to be learned it is that we may not always be ready for some of the things life throws at us. Stephi is only 26. Our family has been faced with making decisions on her behalf that most people only start to think about making later in life. How do we resuscitate? Do we resuscitate? What happens to the kids? I hope everyone has thought about what your own wishes would be and how you would want the future of you children to play out. I know I will now! People keep telling me that God will never give you more than you can handle. Why does he trust me so much??

I love reading all of your comments - Steph will too one day! To all of our friends at St. Clare's - we love you and I will see you tomorrow at work where I am fully prepared to be bombarded with a million questions and maybe a few tears - but take it easy on me. I'm teaching Neonatal Resuscitation tomorrow and I will need a little bit of a game face on :) I will be having a hard time knowing that my sister should be there with me wearing the green scrubs too. I'm sure you are all feeling the same way.

Family - wow - we have been blessed with family support. Stephi is a lucky girl in many ways!

Keep fighting Stephanie!!

Another Day Begins

Good morning blog followers. I made it home last night after another long drive. I think I have every single billboard on way to and from Madison memorized. I am trying very hard to balance Stephanie's needs with my own family's needs, although Kent and the boys have been very supportive. I just dropped my boys off at school and it feels pretty lonely right now. I'm going to have to try to find something to do to keep myself busy today. I always feel like I need to be there - and she fells so far away all the time, but I know she still has a long road ahead of her. It is back to work tomorrow hopefully - I hope that will help take my mind off of it a little. I'm not sure who this blog will help more Stephi or myself. Sometimes I feel like I just need someone to talk to and I know you are all out there and supporting her fight so I just sit down and type.

I wanted to post a couple of pics I snapped late last night. One of them shows Stephi raising BOTH of her arms - Thank You God! I kind of captured it on it's way down - but - you can get the jist of what I was trying to show you I guess.

Jay is still there - I hope he is doing OK. He will probably never tell us if he's not - but I think he knows we are willing to help him out however.

I'm not sure if I said this in earlier blog postings - but Steph has 4 step-brothers and 2 step -sisters from her father's side. I haven't seen any of them in years. It really feels like everyone has been able to come together to rally for her. I had a chance last night to talk to her oldest step-brother Marty whom I haven't seen in about 14 years. I think I last saw him when I was about 8 or 9?? Nevertheless, He and his wife Lisa are so sweet and supportive, they have offered my family and I a place to stay if we need to as they live very close to Madison even though they hardly know us. Hopefully when all of this is said and done we can all keep in touch somehow. We are definitely blessed with family here.

Steph begins her fight with rehabilitation today. I worry about her getting frustrated with her lack of mobility. I'm praying that she can pass a swallow study so I can bring her some St. Clare's carrot cake (our favorite dessert and our hospital makes the best). LOL I know it will be awhile before she can have the carrot cake.

Have a good day bloggers - I will update more when I have some news!

Keep fighing Stephi!

Monday Oct?? Is it even Monday??

None of us know what day it is or what time it is; nevertheless, I think we are nearing the end of day 3. Steph continues to do well off the vent. She has her NG tube in and she is being fed though that for now. She had a swallow study done today and she choked a little when she tried to drink thin liquid....so....thickened liquids it is for now...Yuck! We found out that she hates vanilla pudding. Come on she's female, doesn't everyone know by now that you should only put chocolate in front of a female when there is a choice between chocolate and vanilla? She will repeat her swallow study tomorrow. Hopefully she will pass because she is asking for water or anything to clear her mouth. She sleeps with her suction tube close and still has a hard time coughing up all of her secretions - but she can do it.

She is complaining of a headache - go figure - she is still missing a piece of her skull. We finally talked he into taking a little morphine. She is worried about the effects of medication on the fetus. She worries about being nauseated. She worries - I guess I should be thankful for that, but I don't want her to be in so much pain she cant rest. It is sounding like a week from Friday she is scheduled to have that piece of skull replaced. It is still amazing to me that a person can be without a whole piece of their skull for 6 months or so. Every alarm or sound that room makes freaks us all out. I think I will stick to being a nursery nurse. Is not having a piece of your skull somewhat like a soft-spot on a baby's head??? Hmmmmm

I brought her nurses some chocolate today. Steph smiled when I told her and said we should do whatever we need to do so they continue to take special care of her. LOL. She knows she is being very well cared for.

I witnessed her left arm raise all the way up to her head. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I witnessed her completely lift her left leg entirely off her bed. YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!

She repositions herself fairly well, but she said "I can't wait to get out of this bed" It sound like Physical Therapy / Occupational Therapy will start tomorrow. That should be interesting. She gets irritated now, but I know she will like moving around. I just hope she doesn't get too upset or frustrated if she can't stand so well.

My sister Jen and I had a nice talk tonight. We have had so many people around all the time it was nice for the two of us to just finally have a few minutes alone. She is doing OK - but she is the most sensitive of all of us and I worry about her the most.

Jay is still here and he doesn't leave her bedside unless he is told to step out for procedures, etc. I don't think he will go far as long as she is here. He has been very supportive.

Christopher and Olivia are with their dad for now until we know more about their mommy. We keep praying.

Time for rest for Stephi's family! Keep fighting Stephi!!!!

The end of another day

We made it through day 2 (almost). Stephi looks better than anyone ever expected or at least better than we were all prepared for. The breathing tube is out and she looks like she is sleeping well now. I am heading home to get my own boys off to school in the morning and work on some paperwork for medical leave for Stephi tomorrow. She is very coherent, and I feel like she is very capable of making her own decisions at this point. She is so very tired, but she appears to have herself together.

She know that she is still missing a piece of her skull and I cant imagine what she thinks about that. She points to it and knows not to touch it too hard. She said she feels pressure there (I'm sure she does). The drains in her head remain intact for now, but she has graduated from a few of those extra arterial lines in her arms. They have removed her restraints and they let her situate herself a little more now. She has been a very good girl and she has not pulled any of her necessary tubes or drains out yet. I have to say - that had to have been difficult. She has been started on tube feeding through a nasal-gastric tube and she still has her PICC line.

Dr Baskaya comes to see her several times a day. Our mom said she looked up at him, he introduced himself as the doctor that did the surgery to save her life, and then she said Stephi gently touched his face. This group of neuro doctors and nurses have been incredible here. Her nurses have been so nice and so supportive. It is my duty as a fellow member of the nursing community to bring them all chocolate tomorrow - I have to try to remember. This has been so surreal for all of us. I am just so thankful that she is here and she is OK.

Time for a little sleep and back to Madison in AM. The drive is seaming less and less every time I make it so I guess that is good. Jay is staying with her again tonight. They let him sleep right in her room on a futon - I'm sure she appreciates him being there for her.

Good-night! I will pray again for my phone to stay quite another night. Keep fighting Stephi!!

She remembers Dr Zabel???

3:30 pm. Steph finally has her breathing tube out! She is trying very hard to be patient. She has a million visitors in and out throughout the day. I'm sure she was frustrated trying to communicate with people who sometimes had no idea what she was trying to say. The tube is out. She is moving her right side well and has some movement on her left. Her first sentence to me today was "I think I made Dr Zabel S*** his shorts" I reassured her that he had probably had extra shorts in his call room. LOL. She sounds like my Stephi! She is asking about Family Leave and real life stuff. I will get that all in order for her on Monday AM. She whispers to us appropriately and she knows who everyone is - even her co-workers. Thank God for her progress! Keep fighting Steph!

Sunday October 12, 2008

My phone stays quite through the night. Thank God! I half sleep hoping I won't miss a phone call if they need me. I feel so far away from her right now, but I finally got a little sleep and I am feeling less exhausted and less hypersensitive. It doesn't take much to cry these days. All someone has to do is pretty mush say hello to me and I'm in tears.

Jay has been at Stephi's side through another night. She fought through again. I hope he is doing OK. He always says he is, but I can't imagine what goes through his head every day and how tired he must be.

8:30 am my phone finally rings and it's Jay. I see his name on my phone knowing he is near her and my stomach is in knots.

Here is the latest news: Steph did well through the night. She is now moving her left side to command. She gives the thumbs up with her left thumb, she is moving her left arm and left leg when asked. The plan will be to take her for an MRI today and hopefully get rid of the breathing tube later.

Thank You for all of the well wishes and prayers. It is working so please keep praying!!

I will shower, pack another bag and be off to Madison. I will update our blog as soon as I can. Thank you for following and supporting our family! Keep fighting Stephi!!

Today is a new day

Today is Saturday October 11, 2008. Stephanie fought through the night. Jay stays at her bedside all day and all night. Our sister Jen is having a very hard time. They are 1 year apart. Steph and Jen are not only sisters but best buddies. They never go very many hours throughout the day without talking on the phone just to say hello. Jen is struggling and I hope she can hang in there

Thank You for All of Your Support and Prayers

Well, what can I say and where do I start?? I keep hoping this is all just a bad dream. I decided to create this blog mostly for Stephi in hopes that she will be well enough to someday read it and have a journal of her battle. I hope this will be an easy way for our family to share Stephi's progress with you. Right know all of our phones are ringing off the hook with well wishes and hopes of hearing some good news. We try to answer all of the voicemail and text messages and hope we don't leave anyone hanging without an update, but there are so many people who are praying for her, we don't want to miss anyone. We are all struggling and the tears keep coming, but we all continue to pray hard. I will try to give you the best information I have, but I give it to you as her sister and not a nurse.

Stephanie is 26 years old. She has 2 little children at home. Christopher is 7 and Olivia is 3. I am the oldest in our family (34), then there is our brother Josh who is 31, Jennifer is 27, and then there is little Stephi. She was the baby and unfortunately for Steph, she will always be over-protected by all of us. We usually (way too often) offer her too much advise, even when she isn't asking for it. So you can see how this is very difficult for all of us. She is a daughter, a sister, an auntie, a mother, a girlfriend, a co-worker, and a best friend to all of us in one way or another. We all want her back!

I will start with sharing the facts of what happened and what we know so far. Steph had been struggling with a migraine headache since last Monday. We usually talk everyday, but I had last talked to her Thursday around 3pm when she was picking her little boy up from school. She looked well. She said the headache was still there but not as bad and she was planning to work that night. Steph has struggled with migraine headaches since she was 5 or 6 years old so she just thought that was what she was dealing with. She was scheduled to work in the birthing center for a 7pm-7am shift on Thursday night, and she went to work as planned.

I received a phone call from the Family Birth Center staff around midnight/12:30 ish. They said they had taken Stephi to the emergency room after she felt a sharp pain in her head followed by an immediate loss of feeling/control of the left side of her body. The staff had said she declined fairly rapidly after she had felt that pain. When I arrived in the ER she was intubated, sedated, and lets be honest I'm an OB nurse I really had no idea what was going on in that room. Not to mention that I was in complete shock and hysterically crying. All I could understand in those minutes was that she had what sounded like a massive hemorrhage on the right side of her brain. They could not tell me that she would live, and no one could say that if she did live she would not be paralyzed. Did a 26 year old just have a massive stroke??? Can the story get any worse? The answer to that is Yes! She is 16 weeks pregnant. We were a mess. I kissed her and told her I loved her and they flew her to UW hospital in Madison, WI.

Denise and Chandra (if you reading this) thank you for staying with her. Especially when my husband and I and Stephi's boyfriend Jay couldn't be there right away. It had been the middle of the night and no one could hear their phone. When I see the two of you again I will probably cry - but hopefully this time happy tears. Both of you saved my sisters life! To Tracy, Wade, Amy in the ER (I know there are more of you) you are all amazing. You saved Christopher and Olivia's mommy! To Stephanie's ER doctor (I'm sorry I can't remember your name). Thank you for sending her to the UW. You saved her mom and dad's youngest daughter. Without all of you, she would not have survived.

Steph had arrived at the UW and was immediately taken to surgery under the care of Dr Mustafa Baskaya. Our mom, our sister Jen, and our brother Josh live in Janesville so they were able to meet her there sooner than I was. Her boyfriend Jay went straight to UW after her helicopter left St. Clare's and got there in a couple hours. I ran home, packed my things, snatched her kids out of their slumber at 1:30 am and headed for Madison. I had not had any reassuring news to allow myself to leave her kids behind. I thought that if anything was going to happen to her they needed to be close, even if they weren't going to be able to see her. Stephi's bleed had increased by 30% in the time from leaving St. Clare's to arriving in Madison. There was an enormous amount of pressure on her brain and we were told the chances of her survival were low and that if she did survive the surgery she would most likely need a feeding tube and probably not be able to do much for herself. What kind of a life would that be and what about her babies?

Around 10am on Friday, my family had finally had some news. Stephi was a fighter, and Dr Baskaya and his neuro team are miracle workers. She was out of surgery and her neuro assessments were reassuring at that time. Stephanie had some kind of lesion (anomaly) on the right side of her brain that they thought could have been there since birth. The vessels had intertwined and tangled around it and had finally burst. The news was that they had gotten everything out that had been causing trouble for her. They would do another angiogram to make sure everything was still OK and continue to monitor her. She was moving her right side and answering questions appropriately by squeezing a hand or using other non verbal communication. I'm sure people in other units of the UW hospital could hear our family's sighs of relief, but she was not out of the woods quite yet.

Steph was moved to the Neouroscience Intensive Care Unit where she will continue to be for what sounds like a couple of weeks followed by step down care and intensive therapy. The next few days will be critical for her and no one really knows what the extent of her mobility will be. She is intubated, heavily sedated, and they have removed the right side of her skull while her brain continues to be swollen. I was told that they will replace it once the swelling goes down.

There is a drain which looks like IV tubing draining spinal fluid that comes from her head and drains into a bag. There is another Jackson Prat drain that comes from her head. She has a PICC line. She has a few other IV/arterial lines in her arms. Her room is full of monitors that I have never seen, there are sounds that I have never heard, her long pretty hair is gone, her head is wrapped like a mummy and she is still the most beautiful girl I know! Keep fighting Steph!!